{"id":8111,"date":"2018-05-01T13:37:29","date_gmt":"2018-05-01T18:37:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/digitalblogs.wpengine.com\/?p=8111"},"modified":"2019-09-30T18:53:36","modified_gmt":"2019-09-30T23:53:36","slug":"self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/","title":{"rendered":"Self-deception is holding you back from being a good leader"},"content":{"rendered":"

I once read that in order to know if you are a good leader, just turn around and see who is following you.\u00a0 It can be that simple.\u00a0 Also consider why they are following you. If people are following through force or threat of force, that is not leadership\u2014its coercion.<\/p>\n

As leaders we typically are our own biggest problem. Rarely does a confident leader take an introspective moment to understand if they are part of a problem. It is easy to be blinded against us<\/em> as leaders being the source.\u00a0 This is called self-deception: the inability to see that one has a problem.<\/p>\n

\u201cSelf-deception is like this. It blinds us to the true causes of problems, and once we\u2019re blind, all the \u201csolutions\u201d we can think of will actually make matters worse. Whether at work or at home, self-deception obscures the truth about ourselves, corrupts our view of others and our circumstances, and inhibits our ability to make wise and helpful decisions.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Arbinger Institute is a globally recognized consulting company specializing in helping companies and individuals focus on changing your mindset in order to change behaviors and produce better results.\u00a0 In their international bestseller Leadership and Self-Deception<\/em><\/a> they use a fictional story to show how self-deception determines our life\u2019s experiences.<\/p>\n

This book has been successful at helping companies in five main areas: the hiring process, leadership and team building, conflict resolution, accountability, and personal growth and development. It tells a story about self-deception, that when we are self-deceived we are \u201cin the box.\u201d<\/p>\n

When we are in the box we view and treat other people as objects to meet our goals; versus those that are \u201cout of the box\u201d who view themselves and others as people.<\/p>\n

When we act solely based on objectives like our goals, contrary to what we feel, we betray ourselves and create the foundation of self-deception.\u00a0 Our self-betrayal leads to us to see others in a way that justifies our behavior.\u00a0 Our perception of reality becomes distorted and we enter \u201cthe box.\u201d\u00a0 This leads to inflating others faults, our own virtue, the value of things that justify our self-betrayal, and blame.<\/p>\n

Being \u201cin the box\u201d we can\u2019t truly focus on results because we are focused on our own self-justifying ways and images, carrying that baggage with us to new situations.\u00a0 If people act in a challenging way to our self-justifying images then we see them as threats. If they reinforce our self-deception, then we see them as allies.<\/p>\n

The underlying issue is not seeing them as people, but merely objects to justify our own behaviors. \u00a0This leads to lack of accountability, trust, communication, conflict and poor teamwork.<\/p>\n

We are \u201cout of the box\u201d towards others when we honor them as people and see them with needs, hopes and worries.\u00a0 It actually creates a liberating feeling when we are no longer trying to justify ourselves and our behaviors.\u00a0 A successful leader is dependent on being \u201cout of the box\u201d to create an environment of trust, openness and teamwork\u2014one where employees work for the collective good and not just individual success.<\/p>\n

I would highly recommend this book to help understand the concept of self-deception and how it is rampant in so many organizations. By recognizing the symptoms of being \u201cin the box,\u201d you will be able to work towards being \u201cout of the box\u201d towards others.\u00a0 When you live \u201cout of the box,\u201d all areas of your life will be improved, especially your attitude and feelings about others and yourself.<\/p>\n

Join us again next month as CWA Partner Toni Lee picks up another selection from the best-selling author Patrick Lencioni. In his new book, The Ideal Team Player<\/em>, Lencioni turns his focus to the individual member of a team, what makes some people better team players than others, and how to create a framework for identifying, hiring, and developing ideal team players.<\/p>\n

The CWA Advisors\u2019 Shelf is a series of book reviews by some of our avid readers and advisors. We encourage you to revisit some of the prior reviews: <\/em><\/p>\n

The Square and the Tower<\/a>, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion<\/a>, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team<\/a>, Great Teams: 16 Things High Performing Organizations Do Differently, <\/a>Thinking Fast and Slow<\/a>, The Power of Habit.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I once read that in order to know if you are a good leader, just turn around and see who is following you.\u00a0 It can be that simple.\u00a0 Also consider why they are following you. If people are following through force or threat of force, that is not leadership\u2014its coercion. As leaders we typically are […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":8113,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[27,35],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[48],"class_list":["post-8111","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-knowledge-know-how","category-the-advisors-shelf"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nSelf-deception is holding you back from being a good leader - Cain Watters Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Self-deception is holding you back from being a good leader - Cain Watters Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I once read that in order to know if you are a good leader, just turn around and see who is following you.\u00a0 It can be that simple.\u00a0 Also consider why they are following you. If people are following through force or threat of force, that is not leadership\u2014its coercion. As leaders we typically are […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Cain Watters Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-05-01T18:37:29+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2019-09-30T23:53:36+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2018\/05\/MaySocialMediaBW-1.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"CWA\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"CWA\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"CWA\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/5377defb92fcf06c1ff8504bf9880267\"},\"headline\":\"Self-deception is holding you back from being a good leader\",\"datePublished\":\"2018-05-01T18:37:29+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2019-09-30T23:53:36+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":720,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/sites\\\/2\\\/2018\\\/05\\\/MaySocialMediaBW-1.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Knowledge & Know-How\",\"The Advisors' Shelf\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\\\/\",\"name\":\"Self-deception is holding you back from being a good leader - Cain Watters Blog\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/sites\\\/2\\\/2018\\\/05\\\/MaySocialMediaBW-1.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2018-05-01T18:37:29+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2019-09-30T23:53:36+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/5377defb92fcf06c1ff8504bf9880267\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\\\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/sites\\\/2\\\/2018\\\/05\\\/MaySocialMediaBW-1.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/sites\\\/2\\\/2018\\\/05\\\/MaySocialMediaBW-1.jpg\",\"width\":1200,\"height\":628},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Self-deception is holding you back from being a good leader\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/\",\"name\":\"Cain Watters Blog\",\"description\":\"Long Term Solutions for Financial Independence\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/5377defb92fcf06c1ff8504bf9880267\",\"name\":\"CWA\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/7cd3f0890490030e268fd26d8201e65299246a9877bf0580593351d6e7b2d23b?s=96&d=mm&r=g6624cf3b6f65cf286af28a8c7bd86693\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/7cd3f0890490030e268fd26d8201e65299246a9877bf0580593351d6e7b2d23b?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/7cd3f0890490030e268fd26d8201e65299246a9877bf0580593351d6e7b2d23b?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"CWA\"},\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.cainwatters.com\\\/digitalblogs\\\/author\\\/paigeworley\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Self-deception is holding you back from being a good leader - Cain Watters Blog","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Self-deception is holding you back from being a good leader - Cain Watters Blog","og_description":"I once read that in order to know if you are a good leader, just turn around and see who is following you.\u00a0 It can be that simple.\u00a0 Also consider why they are following you. If people are following through force or threat of force, that is not leadership\u2014its coercion. As leaders we typically are […]","og_url":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/","og_site_name":"Cain Watters Blog","article_published_time":"2018-05-01T18:37:29+00:00","article_modified_time":"2019-09-30T23:53:36+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1200,"height":628,"url":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2018\/05\/MaySocialMediaBW-1.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"CWA","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"CWA","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/"},"author":{"name":"CWA","@id":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/#\/schema\/person\/5377defb92fcf06c1ff8504bf9880267"},"headline":"Self-deception is holding you back from being a good leader","datePublished":"2018-05-01T18:37:29+00:00","dateModified":"2019-09-30T23:53:36+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/"},"wordCount":720,"commentCount":0,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2018\/05\/MaySocialMediaBW-1.jpg","articleSection":["Knowledge & Know-How","The Advisors' Shelf"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/","url":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/","name":"Self-deception is holding you back from being a good leader - Cain Watters Blog","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2018\/05\/MaySocialMediaBW-1.jpg","datePublished":"2018-05-01T18:37:29+00:00","dateModified":"2019-09-30T23:53:36+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/#\/schema\/person\/5377defb92fcf06c1ff8504bf9880267"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2018\/05\/MaySocialMediaBW-1.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2018\/05\/MaySocialMediaBW-1.jpg","width":1200,"height":628},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/self-deception-is-holding-you-back-from-being-a-good-leader\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Self-deception is holding you back from being a good leader"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/","name":"Cain Watters Blog","description":"Long Term Solutions for Financial Independence","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/#\/schema\/person\/5377defb92fcf06c1ff8504bf9880267","name":"CWA","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/7cd3f0890490030e268fd26d8201e65299246a9877bf0580593351d6e7b2d23b?s=96&d=mm&r=g6624cf3b6f65cf286af28a8c7bd86693","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/7cd3f0890490030e268fd26d8201e65299246a9877bf0580593351d6e7b2d23b?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/7cd3f0890490030e268fd26d8201e65299246a9877bf0580593351d6e7b2d23b?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"CWA"},"url":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/author\/paigeworley\/"}]}},"authors":[{"term_id":48,"user_id":7,"is_guest":0,"slug":"paigeworley","display_name":"CWA","avatar_url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/7cd3f0890490030e268fd26d8201e65299246a9877bf0580593351d6e7b2d23b?s=96&d=mm&r=g","author_category":"","first_name":"Paige","last_name":"Worley","user_url":"","job_title":"","description":""}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8111","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8111"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8111\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8113"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8111"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8111"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8111"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cainwatters.com\/digitalblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ppma_author?post=8111"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}